I am on an adventure!!!

  Some could say I am verifiably crazy. For the past almost three weeks now I voluntarily shut my self into a small room with 21 six year olds. This at first caused me to wonder if I truly did have a screw loose. This is beyond babysitting and beyond daycare. And I thought I was ready for my first day of first grade. Ha! I went into the day with my head held high, a smile on my face and the naivety that I was ready! At the end of that first day of first grade I was literally limping (heals are no longer my good friend). I was beyond overwhelmed, felt like I had been blind-sighted, and had a whole new respect for those who are teachers. 

    Now two and a half weeks into my new dream job, I have asked myself at least twice if teaching is really what I want to do. I have also wondered in complete disbelief what anyone was thinking that ever told me I would make a great teacher. And I have stood in my classroom at the end of the day and thought holy cow was that a whole day? 

    I am told it gets better and that eventually my sweet little students will learn what it means to be a big first grader. And that they WILL learm how to be on a zero, that a first grader does not pull their pants down before getting all the way into the bathroom, that raising your hand and answering my math question with either the statement of "I have to go potty." or "When is lunch?" is not acceptable.  

   As cute as my little six year olds can be, they wear me out. I have heard every reason in first grade medical terminology as to why the need to go the nurse. And how the REALLY need to go to the bathroom after having just been as a whole class not 5 minutes earlier. Today we practiced how to come to our carpet not less than 10 times. I have several students who I have decided are simply imitating 6 year olds and are really clones of the energizer bunny. Webster's Dictionary needs to rethink its definition of exhausted. It's writers need to come spend a week in the life of a first year teacher. 

    Needless to say I have learned valuable lessons from my students. For instance, one can never ask too many questions. Unless it is be about lunch and then the rule changes. Lockers ARE AWESOME and must be gotten into at least 30 times a day. Walking laps as a consequence is actually really fun but its probably better not to tell the teacher. And last but definitely not least. A bouquet of flowery weeds are now my favorite flower. 

     So in the words of our team shirts....Kindergarten is soooo last year.... First Grade ROCKS!!!!!

Waiting patiently

   I find it quite interesting how life seems to circle back around. I came across this old post on a blog I no longer use. Reading through it, I was struck with how much this speaks to my life right now. I have recently passed the teaching exam and received my Teacher's Certification. It's been a long haul to say the least. Now I have applications sent out and prayers both answered and still being prayed. And I wait nervously to see how God is going to answer those prayers. Then I stumble across this little diamond in the rough. Wait quietly and patiently. Wait.

Post from 2012
  Reading ahead in my daily devotional I came across the following poem, since this is something I am currently learning how to do in my own life I thought I would share it with you. Enjoy!


'Sit still, my children! Just sit calmly still!
Nor deem these days -- these waiting days -- as ill!
The One who loves you best, who plans your way,
Has not forgotten your great need today!
And, if He waits, it's sure He waits to prove
To you, His tender child, His heart's deep love.

Sit still, my children! Just sit calmly still!
You greatly long to know your dear Lord's will!
While anxious thoughts would almost steal their way
Corrodingly within, because of His delay --
Persuade yourself in simple faith to rest
That He, who knows and loves, will do the best.

Sit still, my children! Just sit calmly still!
Nor move one step, not even one, until
His way has opened. Then, ah then, how sweet!
How glad your heart, and then how swift your feet,
Your inner being then, ah then, how strong!
And waiting days not counted then too long.

Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
What higher service could you for Him fill?
It's hard! ah yes! But choicest things must cost!
For lack of losing all how much is lost!
It's hard, it's true! But then --- He gives you grace
To count the hardest spot the sweetest place.'
                                                             J.Danson Smith

Sufficient For Me

Sufficient For Me
Eryn Edlund

What silly tangled webs we weave 
Pretending to be strong instead of weak

As if to be weak were a terrible sin
We hide our weakness deep within 

Selling ourselves short we believe the lie
That men are not suppposed to cry

A liberation won't quiet their din
That women are nothing less than men

The world pushes for us to "live strong"
Covering the truth with their 'joyous' throng

Seeking for truth in a world with none 
Lost and confused we will become

In a little book standing the test of time
An uncomplicated, beautiful truth we will find

The lies of this world are proven wrong
For through His grace our weakness makes us strong

Dedicated to Alysa Edlund 
May 22, 2016

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV)

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Working Through

  The depths of my soul are quiet today. I'm allowing myself a slow morning before the day's agenda takes hold and I am a busy little bee. My mind and heart are not on the same page. My mind jumps from one to do list to the next as my heart ponders more slowly over the past weeks happenings. Finally I am able to squelch my mind from racing around and focus on working through the tough stuff.
    Learning to let stuff roll off like water on a ducks back takes time and mental determination. It is hard to let go of the hurtful words and actions of others. For those who have thicker skin, I am sure this is not such a daunting task but for the sensitive soul it is quiet difficult at times. I don't wear my emotions on my sleeves, I tend to bottle them up and lock them silently away, so if I have been hurt you won't know. But there is danger in my process because the scenarios continue to play over and over and I over analyze the reason for the hurtful words or actions. Bottling causes me to begin questioning myself and what I may have done wrong to cause the hurt, and what do I need to change in myself, etc...
      An example of this would be: 5 years ago I had a  friend tell me to my face that she thought I was stupid. Not that what I was doing was stupid but that I was. It hit hard and it hurt me deeply. She continued on as if nothing had been said or done and I unscrewed my bottle, stuck it in, and tightened the lid. But it had already pierced my little spirit and left its poison behind. People don't understand the depth of hurt name calling causes. Their words hurt because it hurts the heart. To this day her words still hurt me when the memory surfaces in my mind. She and I are no longer friends but it was the way I was treated that lingers on.
      I have determined today not to allow the above person or scenario to have anymore of my time. The hurt has lingered long enough and they proved themselves not a true friend. I am not stupid. And I am not going to let someone else's simple minded opinion of me cause me to feel less about myself. It has been a long hard process for me to get to this point and decision because they were a considered a good friend, almost a best friend. But like my true best friend, my sister, has said true friends don't unapologetically call you names, they don't make excuses for hurtful actions, they don't put you down to build themselves up.
    It is freeing letting go of a long time hurt and letting all it baggage blow away in the wind. Now to start my day. Motivated, determined, and moving forward.